Thriving in Sadness

I'm trying to get to the bottom of this chronic sadness.

Why do I thrive in this agonizing sorrow?

Miserably loving and romanticizing it even,

letting it rule me like the tyrant it is.

Indeed, happiness seems to elude me.

Leading me on to this teasing dance of back and forth.

Playing, toying, mocking this hopeful idiot.

And so, I shamefacedly walk back to the eerie quiet

Where the shadows wrap me in a comforting embrace

How foolish of me to try to leave and wander

When I have always been lost to this woeful feeling.

Somehow, I've found solace in my melancholy

Stuck, glued, unmoving ever so willingly

Perhaps there's not an ounce of fight left in me

So here I wallow, drowning voluntarily.

My sadness is a constant pulsating ache

Barely strong enough to hurt

Yet undeniably there, lurking, waiting, about to pounce

at its willing victim.

Yes, I am convinced.

The monster concealed under my bed

Is the very same one rocking me to a peaceful sleep

Tell me how am I to hate this pious feeling

If without it, I'd stop breathing.

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